Mr. Obama has a case of foot in mouth lately. Poor guy. I actually sympathize.
Several years ago my oldest, who has taught me a lot about being a more humble human being, pointed out that I didn’t own either her successes or her failures. In utter exasperation one day, she said that she was a free agent and that if everything she did was somehow an outgrowth of some contribution or failure on my part in her raising, that she would never own her own life.
That was the day I quit feeling guilty about how I parented. It was also the day that I realized I’d never be able to gauge whether I was a success.
Few of us could list all the people who have contributed to our success. Few of us try. When something goes well, we pat ourselves on the back and move on, chalking it up to a personal success. People who contribute to the successes of others have fewer things to chalk up, unless they go about trying to own the successes of others (as was explained to me, not a very nice thing to do.) That’s unfortunate, and doesn’t encourage the kind of collaborative behavior that actually creates more successes.
Which brings us to Mr. Obama’s unfortunate phrasing that we don’t own any of our success if anyone else contributed anything to it. As people have commented widely since, that’s preposterous. It’s also a very destructive thing to throw out there. Isn’t it strange how denying anyone any of their own success actually alienates people from one another, making them more competitive, placing any ultimate success completely out of reach?
I’ve talked before about how important it is to have some means of measurement in our lives. We don’t get that much after school. We try for it by comparing ourselves to one another (salary, toys, callings, number of children, etc), but the reality is that it will never be enough. There is no grade, no ordinal placement among our peers, no verifiable gold star on our foreheads that says, “You’re a success.”
Joseph Smith stated that in order to exercise true faith, three things must occur. We must know that God exists, we must have a true idea of his character and capabilities, and we must know that the course of our life is acceptable to him. The only way to know that is through revelation. We must have a revelation that we are on the road to success.
Joseph sought that repeatedly, the most significant occasion when he went as a 17-year-old boy to inquire whether he had failed the trust given him at 14. Many of the first revelations of the church were directed to others who questioned whether they were acting aright. The Lord was clear. “You are doing well. You have need to repent.”
Still, that’s specific guidance, not a statement that we have been a success. We want final grades before the class is over. The judgment is the only time we get a definitive answer to the question of whether we’ve been a success, because we have second and third and four thousandth chances to do better.
And it doesn’t matter if we did it alone or with help, because ultimately, we can’t do anything alone. The atonement is continually before us stating unequivocally that we couldn’t do it alone, that we don’t own our success alone.
Funny thing is, I don’t think Jesus Christ will be leaning back pointing at us telling us what we didn’t do, what he did do, or how much we owe him. He will be, as he has always been, our Advocate. How could we ever be free agents if we own nothing of our own success?
No, we didn’t build that. But we did build on that, and that makes all the difference.
mormonwomen
July 19, 2012
Fantastic post, Bonnie. I think this is one element of the ‘natural man’ that is most difficult to have rooted out of us. I know it is for me, at least!
The Atomic Mom
July 19, 2012
Great post Bonnie!
Stephen R. Marsh
July 21, 2012
That is a great perspective Bonnie.
poetrysansonions
July 23, 2012
I have been struggling with similar thoughts, trying to figure out whether Christ and Heavenly
Father find me a worthy servant. Recently I have been reflecting on the human desire to know where we stand; whether you play a sport, are a student, or a person slogging through the everyday failures and triumphs of mortal life, we all want to know if we are doing well or falling short in important parts of our lives.
I have helped score a statewide writing test (as well as a few years scoring math papers) and one of the things I like about the process is that “passing does not mean being perfect.”
Each year everyone across the state, who will be scoring papers, do a training session the weekend before scoring starts.
The main point of those sessions is to make sure that we are correctly calibrated to know where a paper falls on a 1-6 continuum. It is not hard to spot a paper that would receive a 1 or 2, because the errors and lack of structure are impossible to miss. When you are scoring that kind of essay you are looking to see if there is any “evidence” that the student had a basic idea when writing, or not.
A 5 or 6 is equally easy to pick out because the writing contains the components of structure, examples, personal insight, context beyond the obvious, and very few errors. The big difference between a 5 or 6 is the depth of understanding and creative word usage, by the student. Still, even the 6 papers can have a couple spelling or punctuation errors.
As someone scoring papers, espevially for the girst time, the difference between a 3 paper and a 4 paper is much trickier. The assessment does not allow for a 3+ or a 4-, so as a rater, it is your job to find the line between a 3 and 4. Your ability to differentiate them, and be “accurate” is the most important part of your job description.
Why is that? Because a 4 is a “pass.” A student with a 4 does not have to take the assessment again, does not have to make sure they have everything in their writing portfolio, does not have to potentially have an elective taken up by a class focused on reading and writing. (Not all schools offer those kinds of classes, but they are happening more and more.)
So, when I am rating a student’s paper, it is very important that I know where the line between a 3 and 4 is.
Life however doesn’t always give us simple scoring methods, and I think that is wise. If we are not positive that we are meeting life’s challenges at an acceptable level, we will try harder, do more home work – scripture study, reading good books to obtain more understanding of what the Lord wants and needs from us. We also work hard on our portfolios to make sure we are highlighting our commitment to Christ’s teachings. We treasure up the experiences that build our testimony, keeping up out skills in listening to the Spirit, magnify our callings (not just doing things to check them off the list) and record on our hearts and souls, the of portfolios out faith.
Sure I would like to know what my “grade” in life is “so far,” but I can also see why a loving Heavenly Father would leave us with a little uncertainty.
Julia
Poetrysansonions.blogspot.com
(If your readers are interested, I used a previous post from Bonnie’s blog as a starting place for today’s OP. http://poetrysansonions.blogspot.com/2012/07/walking-as-another.html?m=0
I always love coming to Bonnie’s blog because I know I will come away inspired and seeing the world differently. What more could you ask for in a friend, teacher, family member or blogger?
Bonnie, your blog is a 5+, and if I had to guess you “life score” I would tell you that the first half looks very promising, but none of us could tell you what your score will be until you finish writing your life’s story, and put down the pencil.
Julia
Bonnie
July 26, 2012
Thanks everyone!
Regena
July 30, 2012
I beg to differ with Mr. Obama. The buck stops with us. We may have input from a lot of people but what we do with it is up to us individually. We have our agency. I think I am who I am today because of all the people who influenced me throughout my life, all the experiences I had, and the spin I chose to put on it, good or bad. Along the same vein, I hope that all my tomorrows will make me a better person than I am today.
Keep writing, Bonnie. I love the way you can put words together.
Regena
July 30, 2012
Sorry, just one more thought: If I received a report card of my life, it would not be good. I might get a good report and decide to rest on my laurels or get a bad one and just give up. I know how I’m doing anyway because He rewards me with a really good feeling when I’ve done a good thing and a quilty feeling when I’ve slacked off. I love Heavenly Father and desire nothing more than to know He loves me. We need to worry about the vertical relationships and not the lateral ones.