Medusa Morning

Posted on June 14, 2010


The wrong side of the bed. I don’t often wake up there, but it happens. Today was the lottery day.

What turns an ordinarily agreeable and usually sunny person into Medusa? I have no idea. Waking up from a dream in which I was trying to strangle someone and being maddeningly unsuccessful may have had something to do with it. It’s a stretch, but that could have been it.

I needed to unpack my work office, into which I’ve just moved, so I had to get moving early this morning, because I was already behind the minute I woke up. Hair snake number one. Too tired to go fresh food shopping Saturday night, so we were seriously out of food this morning. Asp two. Child 2-5 (pick any, several times) provoke child 6 to petty bickering/tattling, with which Child 6 willingly complies. Cobra growing out of my head.

Unsuspecting Child 6 walks in to innocently tell me his tale. Halfway through sentence number two, I barked, “STOP.” He looked nonplussed. He resumed. I yelled, “AAAAAAAHHHH.” His eyes widened and he stood stock still. His lower lip began quivering and he said that he just needed to tell me the woes brought upon him by his older siblings. I then proceeded to tell him what was wrong with this picture, while the hair blew back from his face and his cheek skin was stretched tight like a dog with his head out a speeding car’s window.

He then must have turned to stone, since he disappeared for half a day. The overnight guest of child 3 did hover a little nervously, and made some comment about wanting to stay on my good side, which he naively didn’t realize I had eaten just prior to stepping out of bed.

I did figure out by dinner that I had been busy enough that I forgot to eat, so we made a trip to the store, during which I ate no children, mine or otherwise, and returned to make taco salad. The snakes were appeased.

If you see statues strung around my yard tomorrow, I haven’t taken up sculpture. We’re working on the antidote. Anyone wishing to send their children to me for household chores training probably ought to reconsider.

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