Browsing All posts tagged under »family«

Altered Shirts and Stable Patterns

September 14, 2012


I dreamed this morning of a man with broad shoulders and a strong jaw. I woke up alone, as I always do. I am single. In my newsreader today a recent story from the Huffington Post proclaimed a “crisis of singles has arrived” among the Latter-day Saints. “More like a Great Depression,” I thought wryly […]

You Can’t Fix This

August 26, 2012


When I’m upset I clean. There is something calming about putting order to whatever chaos surrounds you to order your mind and heart. I’ve learned not to talk then, not just because I’m a whirling dervish, but because my evaluations are ill-formed, often baseless, and imprecise. While when rational I usually learn what I believe […]

The Adversary of My Soul

January 13, 2012


My nerves have been jangled most of the day. It’s fallout from a family conflict earlier, one of the things I detest more than anything else. My home is a haven and very often an extension of my inner environment, and infighting is like releasing a supervirus. I’ve long thought that harboring disdain and the […]

For Such a Time as This

November 21, 2011


Each visit of my sweet mother brings stories I’d never heard. Today I sat across from her at a busy buffet window table, and learned why she is still Mormon. Many years ago my parents suffered through hard times exacerbated by the fragility of youth and a genesis absent faith, for my parents found the […]

An Absence of Fanfare

November 11, 2011


She rocked and nursed her baby tiredly, her heart reaching to God wistfully for answers. Her daughter prayed with such faith to find the special stuffed rabbit, now lost, in naive prayers that God would somehow bring it back to her. Her mother rocked and sighed that those kinds of prayers just don’t often seem […]

Across the Kitchen Table

May 25, 2011


I finally got the tomatoes transplanted from the solo cups today, Dad. They were almost two feet tall and rootbound a bit; I could just see you shaking your head. I’ll miss the smell of their leaves when I open the windows now, but they’re already flowering and need to be in the ground. I […]

You Had to Be There

April 23, 2011


I laid on the floor of her bedroom and played with my granddaughter today when I was supposed to be putting her down for her nap. Her smile was transforming, her laugh made me feel like the world was right, and her eyes when they would search me out to grin assured me that we […]

Passing Understanding

September 3, 2010


I’m sitting in a recliner in a hospice unit listening to my father breathe out the last bits of his life. The last three days have been a blur, with arrangements and realizations and coming to terms all wound together like a tapestry washed and dried before it was finished. Now, in the quiet of […]